|
This
is an epic story about how one man came to terms with reality, the reality
that he is gay. This saga is my story
and how I came out in a deeply religious family and about the church that my
life so deeply revolved around.
Around the time that most young guys were
noticing girls and how beautiful they were I was noticing guys and how hot
they were. Although this went against
everything I had ever been raised to be natural. See in my family if you were gay that meant
that you were going to hell and that you had given in to fleshly
temptation. It was not until I moved
to Texas
though when I met a young man that would become my first boyfriend. Although because of where we were and our
families we would never admit it at the time and even had girlfriends as
well. We kept to ourselves mostly and
had fun doing so but always being cautious as to not get caught. We both had things that were very valuable
to us other than trying not to get beat up because we were gay.
During
this time I was deeply enthralled in the local church to the point that I was
a Local Lay minister for the Methodist
Church. I even got to preach a few sermons among
other things like working a Franklin Graham crusade. For those of you not familiar with Mr.
Graham he is Billy Graham’s son. I
went to different Church activities and retreats and even was a member of
Christian volunteerism all the while keeping the secret as safe as I could
because I knew what they thought of gays.
In all of this I became ultra Christian and became one of the
hypocrites that spoke out against gays.
What I did not realize is that I was ruining my witness for Christ
because even He commands us to love one another that is
regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation. We can even look at the woman caught in
adultery, John 8:3-11, the Pharisees wanted to stone the lady and Christ’s
response was, paraphrased, the one of you who has not sinned cast the first
stone.” Some other scripture that myself at the time and many others that are
deeply religious forget is in 1st John chapter four it talks about loving one
another. When I moved to college I was
on track to becoming a Methodist minister until I found out that I could be a
gay Methodist minister just I could not have a partner.
Finally,
I moved back out to California
where I still was deeply religious and somewhat refusing what I really
was. Because I was afraid of what my
pastor would say and what my mom and other family members would say. Finally, I came out to my first person
which felt really good in all actuality.
She even was willing to get me in touch with Stone Wall Alliance.
Which I might add has helped me be more comfortable with myself as being gay. However none of my family new nor did my
pastor. When I told my sister she was
cool with it, my mom on the other hand was reluctant and after many long
talks she finally came to accept who I was.
While I was still terrified what other family members would think of
me I also did not want to present a facade.
I wanted them to know the real me.
My Aunt when I first told her all she did was laugh hysterically for
the first fifteen minutes, no joke.
Then she spent the next seventy three telling me what a bad person I
am and comparing me to rapist and murders justifying it through certain
scriptures. The next person I told was
my Pastor and that is when my whole world crashed. He told me that I could not be involved in
Church leadership and be gay even though I had already done all kinds of things
in the church. The Christian Church
which I had served for many years was now telling me that because I was gay I
was no longer good enough to be in church leadership. So I spent the next year and a half trying
to fix what I thought was a malfunction.
It was not until I realized that God does not make mistakes and that I
should not hold so much stalk in what other people
think whether it be family, friend or church.
I knew that God loved me and for anyone that comes from a religious
family He loves you too and He wants you to be happy and trust me being out
is the best thing that ever happened to me.
I do not have to hide it around any of my friends or family. I just respect the fact that they may not
want to discuss it so I let sleeping dogs lie. The most important thing about coming out
is getting active in the local community where people are there to support
you.
In
all reality I believe that is why I am called to be a pastor. The world needs to know about Christ love
for us whether white, black, gay, lesbian, bi or transgender. There is so much hatred in the world and
the only way I know for sure to combat this hatred is to go to school and get
a degree and become a minister or pastor.
This is what drives me day and night.
|