KarMel
Scholarship 2008
|
Personal
Story “By
the Bi” By Kristen
Overmyer |
Desciption of Submission: “A written piece for
a LGBTQA magazine at MIZZOU” - Kristen
|
At the innocent age of 8 I had my
first crush ever, on a boy named Cameron. He was cute, sweet, and loved to
hold hands with me under the slide during recess. By the time I was 12 I had
my first boyfriend, Nate Carey-Webb. He was the best soccer player at my
elementary school, he had beautiful dark brown hair, skin, and eyes, and a
smile to die for. When I was 16 I was in love with my best friend, Angenette. She was everything I could have ever wanted in
potential significant other, except that Angenette is a girl. At 16 I wasn’t
ready to admit to myself that I was head-over-heels for girls as well as
guys. I had known for years that I was attracted to women, had always felt
the same way about women as I did about men, but I wasn’t ready to come out
to the world until I was 20. On March 21st, 2006 I
was watching the stars with my best friend Amy when she told me there was
something important she needed to tell me. “Kristen, I’m bisexual.” I was ecstatic, elated, and full of joy and relief
because someone so close to me who shared my sexuality was strong enough to
come out. I knew then that I was finally ready to come out. Later that night
I came out to Amy, and within the next month I came out to all my friends and
immediate family. On April 27th, 2006 I was sitting on the girl’s
bed I had been dating when she asked me “Kristen, how would you feel if I
told people that you’re my girlfriend” and that was it, I had my first
girlfriend, Maggie. Maggie and I spent the summer together learning, growing,
and maturing intellectually, physically, sexually, and emotionally. Our
relationship was my confirmation about my bisexuality, and I’m grateful that
I was able to be in such a loving and caring relationship that gave me room
to grow into my bisexuality. However, my relationship also showed me the
ugliness that is biphobia. From my experience, I’ve
learned that there are a few distinct bisexual stereotypes: assuming that
bisexuals are confused about their sexuality, assuming that bisexuals are
slutty and, assuming that bisexuals are "really" lesbian or gay,
but are in denial. Although I
understand that not everyone shares these views, it has been my experience
that many people think these misconceptions are the reality of bisexuality. Bisexuality, defined by
Merriam-Webster’s dictionary online, is “of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to
direct sexual desire toward both sexes”. That
is exactly how I feel everyday and people can’t understand that. After I came out I thought I would be
embraced by the gay and lesbian community, I was sure that people who had
been ostracized from society for their sexuality would be understanding
and accepting of mine, I was mistaken. I was questioned everyday about the
validity of my sexuality, told that I was obviously confused because
bisexuality didn’t actually exist…I was either homosexual or heterosexual and
I had to choose. I was shocked in the beginning, I couldn’t fathom how people
who had faced the same sort of judgments as me, were now turning against me.
I’ve learned that it’s a lack of understanding and knowledge and I’ve become
okay with people questioning my sexuality. Now instead of getting defensive
about being bisexual, I inform people what being bisexual means to me and
help teach them to be more tolerant of those that are bisexual. When
I came out to my straight friends I was convinced that all my girlfriends
would assume that I now wanted to sleep with them and all my guy friends
would think I was all about having a threesome. I was both right and wrong.
My girlfriends took it much better then anticipated; in fact they’re so
supportive they’ll go to gay bars with me to help me pick out girls. The guys
that know are split in half; one half is as supportive as my girlfriends, the
other half thinks I’m a huge slut. The most ironic part about the latter
theory is that I’m not a slut; in fact I’m a prude. But,
the stereotype still exists that bisexuals are slutty which is unfortunate
because I know many girls and guys who are 100x’s sluttier then me, and they
aren’t bisexual. I can understand how it would be assumed that bisexuals are
slutty, we have a much bigger population to choose from, however, I’m not
attracted to every woman and I’m not attracted to every man. I grew up with
morals, values, and a mother who taught me about sexually transmitted
infections. Don’t
get me wrong, I love having sex but I’m conservative about the number of
partners I have. Being
bisexual is a part of me that I love and embrace, and would never want to
change. I get the privilege of dating both men and women,
I understand when guys talk about girls playing mind games, and when girls
talk about how guys have no feelings. I’m lucky enough to have my girlfriend
also be my girlfriend, and know that she can understand what it’s like to
have PMS, to want to come In
contrast, I’m lucky enough to have boyfriends…who are big and strong, who
love to take the lead, and PDA without the fear of
being hate crimed. Being bisexual isn’t something that anyone should ever
have to be ashamed of, shouldn’t ever have to defend, and shouldn’t ever want
to change. Because being bisexual is so fuckin’ cool. |