KarMel
Scholarship 2008
|
Personal
Story “Apology” By Kayla
Williams |
Desciption of Submission: “This is a letter to my mother describing what
is happening in my life and how much I want her to be okay with it. I plan to give this to her when I leave for
college.” - Kayla
|
Dear
Mom, I am writing you this letter
because you asked what was really happening in my life and since I recently
have found it difficult to talk to you, I thought that this would be
sufficient. You have always explained
to me that I should be my own person and to not be so worried about pleasing
everyone else. A lesson that you
taught me when I was younger was to love whoever I happened to fall in love
with regardless of who they were or what they looked
like. From the very beginning of my
teenage years, you have told me that even if the relationship was different
or unpleasant for people to see, it was perfect to me. You made it clear that even if the person I
loved was someone you didn’t approve of or someone who was simply different,
it was perfectly fine because they would take care of me and make me
happy. I assumed that you wanted to
know everything about me because you said that you did. So when I sat down with you and asked what
you thought was happening between her and I, I expected an actual
answer. Instead, you put a confused
look on your face as if you had no clue and shrugged your shoulders. I knew better, you just did not want to
admit that I, your “boy crazy” daughter was in love with her, a girl. I explained to you our relationship and you
left it so that I could tell dad. When
I did, he laughed it off and told me that he would get after her just as he
would a boy if she ever hurt me. You
both played being okay with it until you asked why, how, and what for. I did not answer you at that time because
you were too upset; I couldn’t handle you being afraid, not of me
anyways. I was and still am the same
person I was before, no different, except now, I was being true to myself and
showing people who I actually was. I
tried my hardest to explain this to you before, but you looked at me in a
completely different way and saw me as a new person. So, now I am trying again and I hope that
you will listen this time. I am dating
her, I am in a relationship with her, and I am in love with her. She makes me happy even when it seems
impossible, she takes care of me when I am really sick or even when I have a
little cut, she makes sure that she supports me in everything that I do, no
matter how small, insignificant, or idiotic, and best of all, she loves me
for me, even with all of my flaws, she loves me unconditionally. I do not see why or how that could even be
considered a problem. I was always
told to do the things that made me happy, that helped to enrich and fulfill
my life; I am trying, so let me. Why is it so impossible for you to accept
the fact that your “little girl” is not a baby anymore,
that she is in love with a girl?
You say she’s controlling and that she continuously manipulates me,
but you do not have a clue about that.
You hear me apologize for numerous things, but I do that with everyone
and everything. There is no way for
you to know exactly what happens in our relationship, but I wish you would
listen to me when I tell you and that you would finally believe me. I wish that you would stop trying your
hardest to break us up and to realize that, as impossible as it is for you to
comprehend, I am in love with her. She
is the one person that makes sure I have someone to cry with or someone who
will hold me as I cry. You say that
you are always here for me when I am hurting, but how can you be when you
constantly criticize my relationship with her? I was so afraid to tell you what was
happening between her and me because I never wanted you to see me as a
horrible person who must repent. I
wanted you to love me no matter what I did or who I loved and when you say
that you do, I assume you must, but I do not want to be hurt or made fun of
because of who I love. I want you to
accept me for the person that I am, for the young woman that I am becoming,
the one who loves another girl, not as the little girl who hung posters of
guys in magazines on her wall. There
is not really anything more for me to say here, but I do hope that you know
how I feel now and I also hope that you will finally listen to me when I say
that I am still human and that I my relationship is not so different from the
one which contains a woman and a man.
I do love you and I am glad that I have finally come to tell you
this. Please do not feel as though I
am being ridiculous in telling you this, I only wanted you to know how I felt
and the young woman that I actually am.
Thank you for reading and I hope you understand now. Love,
your daughter always, Kayla Williams |