KarMel Scholarship 2008

Personal Story

“A Love Unknown”

By Stephanie Wasney

Desciption of Submission: “A true life story of how I met someone who changed my life and me realize its okay to be a lesbian.” - Stephanie

It had all began when she started talking to me in the fall of 2006. I was sixteen and she was eighteen. Her name was Nichole, and we both worked at McDonalds, but never really thought it a place to talk. Sometime in the end of September she saw that I was in a bad mood, so she thought she would say “Hi,’ followed by a big smile. She had this smile that went on for days and could light up a room a mile away. Nichole then asked me if I had a boyfriend, I told her I did but he was an asshole. We ended up talking for about an hour about boys, school anything in general.

After talking to me the one time she would write me notes while we were working, just simple notes like “Hi”and“How are you doing today”. So one day while we were both working together I decided that I wanted a drink so I went to the back of the store. I turned the corner and saw Nichole kiss this other girl we worked with. I stood there stunned for a second, then turning right back around not even taking a drink throw it away and go back up to the front. It was the first time that I have ever seen two girls kiss before and I had thousands of thoughts running through my head. I found myself unable to look at her. She wrote me another note only this one asked my opinions on lesbians. She also told me that she and the other girl have been together for a while but they were both able to see other people. Nichole asked me if I’d ever kissed a girl or thought about it. Nichole then told me that she liked me and thought I was really cute.

I always have found girls attractive when I was younger I would think of what it would be like to be with a girl. I always wondered whether girls or guys kissed better. But I always thought it was out of the question. First, because I had never had the opportunity and what would my family think of me. I thought this a perfect chance for me to find out and my parents to never know.

By this time Nichole and I had been talking a lot more and flirting even more. While writing back and forth like we usually did, I decided that I should ask her to hang out with me so I could get to know her better. We hung out at about three times and all I could think to myself was I really like this GIRL. One day while we were hanging out at my house she asked if I wanted to watch a movie. We sat there watching for a few minutes and I gained the courage and asked her if she had ever wanted to kiss me. She then leaned forward and kissed me softly. I pulled her close to me and kissed her back. It was the most amazingly passionate kiss I had ever experienced and I knew then that I did have feelings for girls.

After that we were pretty much inseparable. We spent almost everyday with each other. It was like she lived at my house. Almost every night I would end up falling asleep next to her. It seemed like no matter how hard I would try to keep myself from laying with her I would always end up snuggled next to her when I woke up. I was so nervous my mom would look in and yell and scream or even kick her out of my house. I had to hold all my looks and feelings back otherwise if my mom caught me it would be all over. My mom knew Nichole was a lesbian but I always insisted that we were just friends and nothing more.

I met many people while dating Nichole. One night she wanted to take me Rock-n-Bowling with some of her friends. Tiffany, Nichole twin sister, and her boyfriend Eric, Nichole’s friends Sam and Jay and the girl form before Shorty all went bowling with us. It was so much fun, Sam and Nichole were dancing around and Sam and I had this connection that I really couldn’t explain. All of us ended up making that a thing we did every weekend. Sam and I hung out more and more each time that we went bowling. I started realizing that Nichole was not the only girl that I liked.

Everything finally felt like it was falling in to place. My mom trusted me to go stay the weekend with Nichole which we planned an entire weekend consisting of a fun sledding trip. Nichole’s baby was her new car, a 2007 Cobalt, and I got to drive it, it was so exciting. I was so excited to spend the perfect weekend with this girl whom I really started to fall in love with. I had decided before she had came and picked me up that I would actually allow things to progress further and experience what it was like to be with a girl. Things were the same that Friday night hugging, kissing, and snuggling; although before we layed down she took all of our clothes off and we slept naked. There is something about a girl’s touch that drives me crazy; it’s so soft and comforting.

On Saturday morning I woke up to a soft gentle kiss on the forehead and she told me to have a good day and after she got home from work we would go sledding. After she got home from work it was too late to go sledding because we had to go get groceries and things and by that time it would be dark. So Nichole promised we would go on Sunday. Saturday night is a night that I will never forget. We played a card game that I had no idea how to play but some how I still ended up winning. We had been staying the weekend where Nichole lived. She lived with her Uncle Eric, Aunt Jessica and their daughter Meygan. Eric and Jessica had played the game with us and after we finished we all went to bed. When we went down to Nichole room she put in “ John Tucker Must Die;” a movie that we only watched for about ten minutes. I was totally lost at what to do it was my first time ever doing anything more with a girl. I was nervous because I didn’t want to ruin everything we had during this one night. It was very awkward at first; I had a thousand things running through my head. I was confused as to what do to do with my hands and what to do next because sex with a girl is so much different and well better than anything with a guy. She finally told me to calm down and that I didn’t have to go through with it if I didn’t want to. After she calmed me down, it was much more than anything I could have ever imagined.

The next morning we woke with the biggest smiles on our faces. We finally get up and get dressed. Nichole made everyone lunch before we left. After eating, we all got dressed in our snow suits and left for sledding. The drive there was probably the most fun I have ever had in a car. We all laughed so hard and sang really loud for not knowing what would happen when we arrived.

We all finished getting our stuff on and it was the Eric, Jessica, Meygan, Nichole and I. Nichole had taken Meygan down the hill first. Then Eric and I followed down the same hill. Nichole suggested that we moved to a smaller hill because Meygan was only two and that she thought the hill they were at was a little much for her to handle. No one had any clue as to what would happen next. Eric and Meygan went down the hill first. They started going down the hill and right to the left of them was a tree, they only missed it by a few inches. Nichole and I decided to go down in a different spot still on that same hill. She sat down on this inflatable sled and wanted me to sit on her lap, telling her no I sat to the left of her. We started down the hill and she was laughing and smiling at me. She gave me one of her beautiful smiles and then the sled started turning. In the distance I heard Uncle Eric scream “Jump off!”

The next thing I remember is lying in the snow. I jumped up as fast as I could and ran over to Nichole. My head was pounding and I had then realized we hit the tree. Nichole was trying to get up and I told her to lie back down. All of these people came running over and asking if she was okay and if they could help. There were people circled all around her. Aunt Jessica and another guy were trying to make sure she was okay. She was crying and saying her back hurt. Aunt Jessica told her to lay still and everything was okay. Another guy was calling the ambulance. Then all of a sudden her eyes started rolling in the back of her head and her tongue turned yellow. The guy asked her what the date was and all these questions. She then stopped responding and started to spit stuff up. They started CPR. The whole time she was laying there she just stared at me until her eyes began to roll. Aunt Jessica then told me to go check on Uncle Eric and Meygan at the car. By the time I got over to them the ambulance was there and the guys were walking down the hill. They ended up taking her into the ambulance and to the hospital.

Aunt Jessica and I went up to the hospital while Uncle Eric and Meygan stayed home. We walked in to the emergency room doors and nobody was at the front desk. Screaming for the lady and getting her attention we asked where Nichole Burton was. She told us they would let us in to the family room. Nichole’s twin sister opened the door and we kind of just stared at her waiting for an answer. Tiffany told us that Nichole was gone and that instant I fell to my knees with tears running down my face. She picked me up and helped me to a chair and I waited there in a daze until Samantha showed up. When she had got there she just held me in her arms until she calmed me down.

Samantha helped me through the hardest week of my life. We cried together, laughed together and shared all the memories of Nichole that we could remember. The days seemed to drag on and I never thought that I would be as long as they were. I felt so numb and lost. Nichole was my best friend and I couldn’t understand why it was that day that she had to be chosen to leave us. Although Nichole was my first girlfriend and the first that I had experienced anything including love with I have met someone who makes me happy. Samantha and I became amazing friends that day and they say that death brings people closer. Samantha and I have realized that we are best friends and are in love with each other more than anyone that I know.

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