KarMel Scholarship 2008

Poem

“A Prayer to Heal”

By Kalil Cohen

Desciption of Submission: “This poem is a prayer from before I had top surgery and I was struggling with the gender dysphoria of having breasts on my trans male body, and praying for help and comfort and guidance and also looking at the postive things I had in my life at the time too.” - Kalil

God of mine, Heart of mine,

Soul of mine too –

I acknowledge your power,

As I acknowledge mine too.

Transitional Transphobia

manifesting in me,

Seeping out through the wounds

still festering in me.

Leaking out through the breasts

still resting on me.

There’ll be scars on my chest,

one price to be free.

So much more paid than that,

We’re talkin’ 8 Gs.

And that’s just for the chest,

what if I want to start T?

But now I gotta pause

and take a breath.

Reflect on what I’ve said

and make it fresh.

This prayer needs

a little mending,

‘cause it’s not about pain,

but joy and cleansing.

This prayer needs fine-tuning

like my vision of self.

Let the light stream in,

for my mental health.

Let god in my heart,

in my soul and mind.

My existence a blessing,

a truth I know I should find.

And sometimes I believe

what I know I should see.

But I struggle constantly,

‘cause it’s so hard to conceive.

But all of that’s over,

it’s way past time to end.

This self-hatred and suffering

like my chest I shall mend.

Mending body and soul

together at last.

Take a deep breath in,

know that I’m leaving the past

I gotta speak for me

like I do for others.

I gotta value me

like I value another.

So god let me be

whole and free.

Standing in my skin,

proud to be me.

I sanctify the process

I see before me,

and praise the conscious

will to be free.

Will I be free,

when this is done?

Can only work toward it

and take what comes.

I vow to be real

and true to myself.

I vow not to concede

to others’ views of health

‘Cause health like wealth

is personal.

I’m changin’ my body

to heal my soul.

You don’t have to understand

but you must believe,

that I know what I’m doing,

know what I need to be free.

I pray for strength

of body and mind

to help see me through

the difficult times.

But more than that,

prayer opens me up

to the love around me,

my soul is soaking it up.

Thank you for the blessings

I’ve had in my life,

for meeting the woman

who shall be my wife.

For having the funds

to do what I need.

For a loving family,

good friends and dreams.

For this passion inside,

insatiable.

For a light in my heart,

and in my soul.

Got so much more

of life to live.

So many people to touch,

I can’t wait to have kids.

This is just

one more step along

a path I love

to keep travelin’ on.

Gonna end this prayer,

in text at least.

But it carries on,

through other ways and means.

Reverberates inside,

every word I write.

Each one pulls me along,

offers new insights.

Never wrong when I write,

this I know.

Words incite me to laughter,

which heals me soul.

Blessings and love,

for all humanity.

Soul-evolution a must

if we want to be free.

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