KarMel
Scholarship 2008
|
Poem “Somehwere
Close to Souls” By Noah Schnaubelt |
Desciption of Submission: “Somewhere Close to Souls is a poem in which I
tried to sum up the insanity and complexity of the feelings I had been
struggling with for one of my best friends for probably 8 years, at least. I
loved him so deep, in
so many ways more than a friend, but
kept it all inside.” - Noah
|
It's
kind of amazing how this feeling never goes away. Oh
sure, it fades sometimes, slips
off silently like a cat out the back door, prowls
around in the distant subconscious backyard which sometimes
seems more like a subconscious battleground as the mind mauls itself wishing. This
feeling hangs in the echoing cries unsaid
behind eyes that linger, eyes
that trail up legs and arms, past
your chest and to your head where that smile still stands out. That
smile that i've known for years and those eyes that i've wished for the chance to
look into. Our
brown and blue put together could equal the whole god damned world. Or
so this feeling tells me, every time i think of you. And
sure, it rests sometimes, dives
behind boulders of present responsibility and
signposts of immediate life directions, and
it hides in houses where there's boxes full of
new friends and old friends and
new works and fresh thoughts and dreams and
this feeling gets lost for a little while, slips
aside as life just keeps its pebble-rolling course through the tide. But
this feeling never really goes away. It
can't seem to be forgotten can't
seem to be shaken off or
let loose after a couple weeks like these
other couple puppy love crushes of the moment. No, this
feeling has shown itself time and time again because
you're special my friend, we're
special, and
after eight years and counting i'm still struggling to draw the fucker out. I
love you. You're
my brother, and my buddy. My
undiscovered lover and my dreamer and my friend. You've
given me more inspiration than an ancient tomb of Zen. You've
been idolized, revered, placed
on a pedestal and then i
cried because i never told you how i cared And
this feeling, it
creeps in every time i see your face, and
sometimes instead of creeping it'll
storm into my heart like a hurricane, it'll
blast me with a force so strong i'm
blown away because i want to
hug you deeper than the ocean knows, and
longer than the stars can glow and harder still. I
want to drill so close to you my friend that our souls become one. Or
you know, at least until they tickle each other. Cause
you're my brother. My
buddy, my
left-side grown-up young-man deep deep down true friend. Or
at least you will be maybe when i can start to speak to you again. Cause
this feeling? It's
been so strong sometimes that
i'm terrified to touch, let alone to say. But
i sill believe we're the same in
so many god damn ways that it's incredible, and
we're both unstoppable except when we don't act ourselves. And
so i'm here finally to be myself, and
to tell you that i love you, in more ways than
the woods we've run through could believe, in
more directions than the stars could twinkle and this feeling? It
comes and goes and i
know there's nothing i can do anymore except to say i miss you. My
brother, my buddy. My
long-time forever friend, i
care for you like all
we silly humans do and
a thousand loves, a
thousand hugs and
i just wish you and me could be closer once again. |