KarMel Scholarship 2009

Special Judges Award

“Ever Changing Tides”

By Brina Schuch

Description of Submission: “My personal journey of coming out to myself and my conservative world.” - Brina

Biography: Brina attends the University of New Mexico.  She likes to draw and hopes to one day do foster care or art therapy.

Why Karen and Melody Liked It:  This poem was just a unique way to show the fear that we face even when trying to come out to ourselves.  And no matter how hard it is, and how much pain it may cause initially, it shows, that in the end, we are usually happier in the end!

Ever Changing Tides

By: Brina Schuch

Mountains collapsing,

            Walls crumbling.

My heart quivers,

            Longing for a beat.

This is it,

            This is my moment of truth.

                        Not to appear before a crowd.

            Rather my moment of truth to myself.

I am shaking,

            Trembling with the fear of what is to come.

The beauty of truth holds strong.

            However, with that beauty comes sacrifice.

As an Aztec sacrifice,

            I give up my offering:

                        My Heart.

My family.

                        My Life as I know it.

At this point

            All will change.

My conservative upbringing,

            Marred.

My religious mother,

            Distant.

My closest friends,

            Appalled.

I never imagined this for myself.

My white picket fence,

            Where is it?

My future husband,

            Never to be.

My beaming family at my wedding,

            Gone.

I was never supposed to be gay.

            This is wrong.

                        This is evil.

            This is what I was told.

Why was I given this burden?

            -This upon others?

                        My back is too weak,

                                    To support such a load.

Did I ever believe...

            My best friend of four years would desert me?

                        Never.

            My youth minister of seven years would wish me to not return?

                        Not at all.

            My mother, who adopted me, would struggle between her religion and me?

                        Not in a million years.

Did I ever believe my life would get better?

            By no means.

My world,

            It did collapse as I knew it.

My friends,

            Did abandon me.

My adult mentors,

            No longer, saw me as wonderful person.

My mother,

            Is still battling herself over me.

HOWEVER…

In my new world,

            I love myself.

My new friends,

            Love me for who I am.

My new adult mentors,

            Adore me, aside from their beliefs on life.

My father,

            Could not be prouder.

And my girlfriend,

            Supports and loves me more than I do myself.

Did I ever see my life improving from this?

            Never.

But did it?

            Immensely.

Moreover, would I ever change my decision to come out?

            Not in a million years.

Do you like this?  Then feel free to send an email message to Brina at: brjoys@aol.com

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