KarMel Scholarship 2010
Honorable Mention: Best Personal Story
By Faith Williams - MT
Description of Submission: “This is a letter written to our unborn child Selene. A letter I want her to read one day explaining my fears for her and explain why we made the decision to have her. I want her to know what myself and her other mom were thinking as she was growing in the womb, and understand that we know life will hard for her because of us, as unfair as that is, we want her to know we will always be there for her and love her unconditionally.” - Faith
Why Karen and Melody Liked It: We loved the way Faith’s letter to her unborn daughter spoke not only of the love for her, but also of the fears she had because she will be born into a GLBT household. We are also trying to start our own family and we often talk of these same fears. How will we handle situations where our children are involved with narrow minded people? Faith’s letter was extremely touching.
My dearest Selene,
In time you’ll read this letter, in my hopes to help you understand why you and your family are different. I wonder when the day will come when you ask me or Maddy, where babies come from? I’m not sure how we’re going to answer that. At such a young age, how can you understand that a mommy and a daddy make a baby, when you sweetie, have two mommies, a mommy and a maddy. I wonder about how elementary school will be for you. When all your friends are comparing how much cooler one dad is than the other, what will you say to them? I can only hope that you’d be able to understand the love your maddy and I have for each other, just like any other couple. Would you tell them, “My maddy is so much cooler than your dad.” If you decide to join girl scouts, will the other girls look at you different because you have two moms instead of one, or will the other moms treat you different? Having two moms is difficult for people to accept. My fear for you is, would you have to live a life of punishment and shame because people around you can not accept the idea of two moms. I don’t want you to face ridicule or people picking on you thinking you’re gay, if you’re not just because we are. I don’t want you to grow to resent us, because we live a certain way, a little bit different than those around us. No matter what happens in your life, you’ll come to understand that whenever something or someone is a little bit different, they have to face the judgment and looks of other ‘normal’ people. I can only hope you understand why we chose to have you. With maddy and I being a lesbian couple, obviously we couldn’t have you by accident. We’ve been thinking about having children a year before you were even conceived. After trying, we found out that we were pregnant with you and you couldn’t imagine how happy we were the tears and screams of joy knowing we were going to have our child. A lot of people were calling us irresponsible, immature and selfish that we would dare bring a child into this world, knowing ‘what we were’, and the only thing we said back to them was, “What makes us any different than the straight couple that’s been married for 5 years and is finally planning for there first child?” just like a straight couple we planed for you, before you were ever conceived we dreamed about you, we loved you unconditionally and we couldn’t wait to see you. We have and always will love you. Combined your maddy and I have lived 5 lifetimes, there’s nothing you can say or do that would shock us, or makes us mad with you. You do have two moms, and you’re twice as loved because we planned and wanted you for so long. Now, I can feel you kicking inside, and it makes me so happy. We both can’t wait to meet you, love you and hold you. You’ll always be our daughter and we’ll always be there to support you. I think about you every day and you always put a smile on my face. Words can’t describe how happy and yet scared I am. I don’t know what it will be like for you as you grow up, I don’t know how many friends you’ll be forced to lose, how many parents will snicker behind you. But I will tell you this love, maddy nor I will stand for it, no one has the right to treat our daughter like they are different or ‘impure’ because of what her moms are. No, that’s not going to fly with us. We’re not just going to let that happen, we would be more than willing to confront those people that are saying things, much like we do now. I learned that when majority of people are confronted, they back away. If they are throwing the bible at you, we can throw it back, maddy grew up in AWANA, a bible learning program that she was in every since she was a toddler, they tell us a certain verse, but they don’t understand the rest of the bible. We know that bible in our heads and in our heart, and I’m not saying that those people are in the wrong, I’m not judging them that is not my place. But when people just throw one verse here and there which you may end up hearing I’m sure, we understand the rest of the chapter that they are quoting from, and understand the depth of the meaning behind the verse. When you know that, you will know how to defend yourself, because you will know their argument in your mind and in your heart, just like us. I promise you that if someone is saying something to you, or hurting you because of us, because of our love and our family, we will always be there to protect you. As your moms that is one of our promises to you. We will always love you, no matter what happens or what you do. We will never disown or forsake you, we know what that pain is like from coming out to our parents, you won’t have that pain from us. We will always protect you no matter how old you get, we will still hold you in our arms and sing to you just like maddy does now while you’re still growing inside of me. She may not have given birth to you, but you were born out of her heart. I never want you to think that she isn’t your real mom so you don’t have to listen to her. You are her daughter; she loves you just as much as I do. When you look at the pictures from our pregnancy with you, you can see how much she loves you. She sings to you everyday and you fall asleep, when she and I are just laying in bed and she starts laughing or talking you start kicking like crazy. When she says ‘I love you’ you kick back. Selene, we can’t wait to meet you and physically love you. I can only wonder and pray what your life will be like and what memories we will share as a family. No matter what other people are saying, God does love you, more than we do and that’s hard to imagine.
I love you with my whole heart,
Your mommy, Faith